grade school hell | BLOGTOBER 🍂☕🎃

by - 10/07/2018

Everyone has their school horror story.

This is just one of mine. The earliest one that I can remember, anyway. I've had only a couple that I still think about sometimes, as we all do I imagine, and honestly I wish they would just be erased from my mind. This particular memory is one of isolation that I still feel like I didn't deserve.

5th grade. The beginning of middle school and the beginning of the year went normally. I had a group of friends that I considered my best friends. We shared everything and did everything together. I wish I could remember exactly why things happened the way they did, but I don't. Remember when recess was still a thing? That's where we were when all of a sudden, one of my friends started walking away from us. Without a word and so, being concerned, I followed her. I remember I kept calling her name, over and over as I followed. And then she whipped around so fast and just yelled in my face, "How do you like it?!" And off she was again.

What the heck was she talking about? I can still feel the shock, the humiliation of being yelled at in front of everyone, and the incredible hurt when my other friends followed her and didn't get yelled at either. Suddenly I was ousted and I didn't even know why. It was a loooong recess, but I finally got them to tell me what was happening; they had decided I was too bossy, too demanding, and wanted nothing to do with me. Again, shock. Because children at eleven years old don't understand why they're being called those things without further explanation. I suppose all the explaining came in the coming weeks.

Everything came out in spurts of quick information that always left my head spinning. I had other friends that I started spending my time with, of course, but I still couldn't comprehend what was going on. If I was bossy and demanding, why hadn't they just told me instead of this? Instead of the harrowing, empty pain that they had left me with? Things really started escalating when they started to pick on me. They bullied me from afar, shunned me in our shared classes and at lunch, in the hallways, and they even did the repeated call-and-hang up phone tag that was so popular in the 90's. My mom found out about all this then, since she was the one answering the phone. They learned to stop calling after that.

Finally, after a heavy round of teasing one morning, I broke down and went to the guidance counselor. And everyone was called in. All the issues were laid out on the table and I was full on crying, no shame, because I found all of this to be ridiculous. Why tease, why shun, why yell? Why not just talk and tell me this instead of letting everything get to this point? Where now I'm embarrassed because the counselor knows everything, where I've been properly broken down. It made no sense. Apparently we made up that day and everything after was supposed to be all sunshine from that day on. However, my guard was up and very strong.

For good reason, it seemed. One of my other friends, someone who I would still trust today, told me that she had overheard them talking and that they were going to regain my trust and then spread around any of my secrets that came out of it. I kept to myself from then on. That's when I learned to paste a smile on my face and pretend everything was fine. But things were never the same and we were never friends again. All that needless drama taught me that people are mean to one another, and would rather bring someone down than discuss their issues.

Please talk to one another.
And if any of those girls happen to be reading this; I forgive you. I don't think I ever really said that to your faces.

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