Is It S.A.D. or Are You Sad?

Hello Lovelies.


Not so very cheerful the last few days and I got to thinking if it was just because of the weather or if I'm actually really sad. What better time to ponder on such a thing than during the holidays?

The last few days I've gotten into the habit of thinking about my past and it's made me feel pretty lousy. You start thinking about everything you could have done differently and if you hadn't done one thing, your life would be completely different now. It's that different that I've been wanting. Would I be happier? Would I be living somewhere else? Would I be doing the same thing and wondering what would have happened if I did it different?

These are things that I'll never know, because unfortunately, we don't get the chance to go back into the past and change our lives. Damn movies for making it seem like things like that could happen. Right now, at this very moment, I wish it could.

All of this started because of a dream. I can't even remember the dream, but I know someone from my past was in it and here we are. If I hadn't had that dream, would I be happy now? Or is the snow and the cold and the grey dreary days making me feel like nothing is as it should be? There are too many questions and no answers available. Nothing to do but wait it out. Honestly, just sitting down and writing this out is a tiny bit helpful. I might not even post this, so if you're reading it, then I got brave.

Sometimes I also feel like I'm walking around with a smile plastered on my face. I play pretend for others, so they don't ask how things are going. Why I don't want to share my feelings with others is beyond me, but it's something that's been taking a toll. Maybe I should get a therapist? I don't know, but helping all the other people in my life and acting like I have my life together isn't working anymore.

Unfortunately, I have no advice for others who may feel like this. How can I give advice when I don't know how to help myself? Drink your water and exercise, I guess. That's supposed to make us as humans happy, right?

Can 2020 please bring about happy change?

0 Comments